Britain will always associate this difficult time with that lube advert

THE UK has confirmed that it will always associate this tough and tragic time with that lube advert that is never off the air. 

The advert, which features the once-heard-never-forgotten phrase ‘Bit dry down there?’ will bring back memories of being locked down in a global pandemic whenever Britons see it, which they hope will be never.

Susan Traherne said: “Lube? The world as we know it has ended, and you’re trying to sell me lube?

“I mean, I guess it’s still a valid product. I can see why it’s still on when all the clothes and car companies have cancelled their ads. But it’s four times an hour.

“Are people really going on their weekly shop, gloved and masked, and popping a bottle of Durex Naturals Intimate Gel on top of their potatoes? Are sales booming? Am I the only one who’s not doing this?”

Steve Malley agreed: “I’m watching a lot more terrestrial telly since all this started because it makes things feel normal. Apart from that advert.

“For the rest of my life when I hear the words ‘Ladies, let’s lube’ I’ll flash straight back to these dark days.”

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Mum suggesting another game of hide-and-seek

A MUM quarantined with her children is suggesting another game of hide-and-seek.

Nikki Hollis has been at home with her primary-aged children for what feels like several years now and has found that the game has become an essential method of self-care.

She said: “We used to play hide-and-seek occasionally in the Before Times, and I found it a bit of a tedious faff.

“But now it’s two minutes – sometimes four – of blissful quiet in the wardrobe or under the bed, willing them to bugger off and look downstairs again.”

Hollis explained that her need for alone time had led to some innovations in hiding, with a particularly effective seven minutes nabbed by removing the side panel on the bath and crawling underneath.

She said: “I’m also experimenting with stashing bottles of wine in various places to make it through the days. I suppose we do run the risk of the kids finding them, but then at least they’d nap for longer.”

Hollis added that she had also used the game as a means of getting space from her husband, who she left hiding in the shed for three hours while she went on Instagram.