BRITNEY Spears kicked off her first major tour in five years with a larynx-free performance that was no better than a dancing corpse puppet, angry fans said last night.
Concert goers said the star's lower lip and chin performed extremely well but were disappointed she had chosen not to use her lungs.
Throughout the show Spears was strapped to a trolley which was manouvered around the stage by a series of ropes and pullies while a pair of dancing legs was projected onto a whiteboard covering the lower half of her body.
Meanwhile the pop princess's hands were tied behind her back as two large, rag doll arms, sown into her costume, flailed manically as she was jerked rapidly from side to side.
There was a brief technical hitch during the second half when the twitching legs of Riverdance star Michael Flatley were projected onto the whiteboard by mistake.
But despite having her head strapped to a metal pole the star was able to move her lips in synch to the music while a potent cocktail of amphetamine was pumped into the base of her spine in a bid to keep her eyes open.
Tom Logan, who attended the show with his wife and 11-year old daughter Nancy, said: "The mime-dancing and the scary arms were good, but as a family we really wanted to see her straddle a chair in high-sided panties and simulate masturbation."
Nancy added: "She's not as good as the Pussycat Dolls. Daddy's taken me to see them 14 times."
Not all Britney's fans were disappointed, however. Bill McKay, 44, from Houston, said: "It was an amazing, life-enhancing performance if your life happens to revolve around fantasies about a 27-year old substance-abusing, mother of two dressed up as jailbait."