THE makers of x-rated comedy film Bruno have released a re-cut version with added sexual perversity, just for British MPs.
Bruno: Die Version Extra Freaky features an additional three hours of explicit acts, including several never before attempted.
Tory MP Sir Paul Bowles said: "I'd heard reports that Bruno featured extended scenes of sodomistic debauchery. After seeing the film, I was indeed disgusted – by it's brevity and banal lack of imagination.
"He talked incessantly about his 'kugelsack' and yet we only got a brief, tantalising glimpse. It was a shameless con."
Lib Dem MP Terry Hunter said: "Who, in their right mind, wants to see a film about the bedroom exploits of a promiscuous gay fashionista that doesn't feature ice-picking, cat beading, 'the trident of Vienna', owling, la-la, squeezeplay, tube love or gulching?
"It's a scandal that these deliciously vile deeds and others that I haven't yet thought of weren't depicted in the film."
The MPs sent a 2000-word memo to the film's American producers outlining suggested improvements, including a scene involving 'two rugged bikers and a wounded sheep' and 'a bacchanalian, Caligula-esque party sequence filled with demure Brazilian slave boys, thickly-muscled centurions and a spa-ful of butterscotch-flavour Angel Delight'.
US film producer Larry Chaykin said: "We have spiced the film up a little for the UK political market. However we couldn't incorporate all their ideas as my secretary kept throwing up. And what the fuck is Angel Delight?"