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Chronic liar tells friend he will watch TV series they recommended

A DEVIOUS man has yet again told a friend he will watch a TV series they recommended despite having no intention of doing so.

Modern-day Machiavelli Joe Turner, 36, is so addicted to deceit he constantly makes empty promises to watch shows endorsed by people he knows.

Most recently, when a colleague suggested he watch The Fall of the House of Usher on Netflix, Turner spun a complex web of lies, saying it sounded ‘just like my thing’ and that he would ‘definitely check it out’.  

Turner said: “People love telling you what to watch on telly. And if they get some perverse pleasure from the thought of me watching Squid Game or Stranger Things, who am I to take that away from them?

“The problem is, now I just can’t stop lying. Every time someone recommends the latest bullshit on Disney+, I nod along enthusiastically and tell them I’ll ‘put it on my list’. I don’t have a list, and even if I did Hawkeye certainly wouldn’t be making a f**king appearance.

“At this stage I actually go out of my way to avoid watching things they recommend. There are shows from decades ago I’ve still never seen. If they couldn’t get me to watch Breaking Bad, why am I going to watch Wednesday?”

Co-worker Stephen Malley said: “Joe’s the best mate I have at work. We’re just so similar. Every time I tell him about a new series I’m watching he says he’ll probably start watching it that evening.”

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Unhappy couples brace as 'too close to Christmas' break-up deadline approaches

INCOMPATIBLE couples across the UK are feeling the pressure as the window of opportunity to break up before Christmas closes. 

Doomed duos face the stark choice of having to watch The Snowman with someone who gets on their tits, or acknowledging the death of their relationship at the most joyous time of year.

Kelly Howard, 32, dating Tom Logan, 33, movingly described the dilemma affecting thousands of people who dread their partner dicking around in foam antlers in less than a month.

She said: “It’s been three years, but I’ve been ready to give Tom the boot since our summer holiday. Just the way he ate his grilled sardines f**ked me off.

“And frankly I’ve never looked at him the same way since he cried doing Sweet Caroline at karaoke and said it was ‘our song’, the twat.

“Now I face a real Sophie’s choice. Either I end up staying with this knobhead until January, or I make a clean break and get less chocolates.”

Unless Howard commits to an audacious 11th-hour dumping in the next few days, she will face the added misery of a visit by Tom’s passive-aggressive mother and pathologically boring father, along with a forced viewing of Mrs Brown’s Boys festive specials from previous years. 

Meanwhile her partner Tom was finalising his Christmas plans for being a twat, including channel-hopping unless an action movie is on, and stuffing a handful of icy snow down Kelly’s back, weather permitting.

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