A FILM viewer weary of the latest movie gimmick wishes he lived in a universe where multiverses do not exist, he has revealed.
Martin Bishop has fantasised about an alternate reality where film audiences can keep track of what the hell is going on and superheroes do not keep meeting themselves in a way played for laughs.
He said: “Imagine it. A universe where directors are forced to tell a coherent story in 90 minutes without you needing to have seen a dozen other crap films beforehand. Sounds like heaven.
“You could just read the listing, buy a ticket if it took your fancy, and have an enjoyable time. You wouldn’t even have to hang around for a bollocks post-credits scene that only hardcore nerds find entertaining.
“In a scenario of infinite universes, such a utopia must, by definition, exist out there somewhere.
“Instead I’m trapped in this nightmarish realm where they’re even bunging different film universes together. The possibility of Buzz Lightyear, Harry Potter and Optimus Prime gatecrashing a James Bond film is surely only a few years away.
“I’ll go and see it out of morbid curiosity, so they’ll think I like it and make shitloads of sequels.
“Admittedly Into The Spider-Verse was f**king incredible, but was it worth pop culture devolving into a gratuitous act of auto-fellatio? No.”
