Colin Baker to be Doctor Who again

COLIN Baker’s appearance on I’m A Celebrity… has prompted BBC bosses to bring him back as Doctor Who.

The actor, who is the second most popular person with the surname Baker to play the Doctor, will return in a story entitled Anuses of the Fendari.

The specially-written tale sees Doctor Who leading a tribe of dysfunctional, self-absorbed rebels living on a forest planet ruled by two evil midgets.

Doctor Who producer Steven Moffat said: “Recent series have been praised for their high production values, but what viewers really want is Colin Baker poncing around with monsters that look like colostomy bags with faces drawn on them.

“He will be accompanied on his adventures by a very attractive young female who sees the doctor as a ‘sexy grandad’ figure. I think that’s a very interesting relationship of the type rarely explored in family television.

“Oh, and when he dies he’ll regenerate as Sylvester McCoy. It was the McCoy era that really got me into all this, especially the story where there’s a villain made of liquorice allsorts.”

Colin Baker said: “Hopefully this means no more appearing at conventions, answering questions like ‘Has the Tardis got a kitchen?’

“I’d be the first to admit that I am somewhat plumper than I was in the 1980s, but the producers will overcome this by only using monsters that move very slowly.”

 

 

The Daily Mash in your inbox
privacy

UKIP members may write to newspaper

THERE is a growing possibility that UKIP members may write to the newspapers about all this.

The letters are expected to call for common sense while saying that enough is enough and it is time to get a grip.

The third paragraph will stress that Britain has been going downhill since the 1950s when there were, literally, policemen everywhere.

The fourth paragraph will list, in detail, the undeniable similarities between the European Union and the Third Reich.

In the fifth paragraph the letter writer will say they would not be surprised if they are persecuted by the liberal establishment, but that they would welcome it if it finally gets Britain to sit up and take notice.

The sixth paragraph will list, in detail, the undeniable similarities between the European Union and gay adoption.

And the seventh paragraph will stress that Britain has been going downhill since the 1950s when there were, literally, hedgerows everywhere.

The letters will also confirm, once and for all, that there is nothing racist about distrusting people because they are foreign.