THE Covid-19 virus has left the Reading Festival a day early admitting it had underestimated just how f**king rough it would be.
The coronavirus was initially excited to get together with huge numbers of unvaccinated young people, and was also really looking forward to the Wolf Alice set. But, horrified by the appalling conditions and behaviour, it has gone home after two days.
It said: “I thought I was hard, just because I’ve killed four-and-a-half million people, but I now realise I was wrong.
“I headed straight down the front for Stormzy to really get down and dirty with everyone, and f**k me. It was utterly horrendous. The mud, the people, the stench, the sheer inhuman cruelty of the whole thing.
“After I escaped I roamed the site, witnessing horror after horror. Pissing in bottles, drunken bikers falling on tents of sleeping teenagers, men being robbed at knifepoint for a sixteenth of weed, everyone being robbed buying drinks.
“If people are willing to subject themselves to this hell then I don’t want to have anything to do with them. I’m going back to bats.”
Attendee Ryan Whittaker said: “Covid? Yeah, saw that f**ker. Smashed it in the face and nicked its pint, but apparently it can’t take a joke.”