David Bowie, and other artists whose main muse was lots and lots of cocaine

SOME musicians are inspired by love or politics or injustice. Others, meanwhile, were motivated entirely by mountains of cocaine, like these:

Ozzy Osbourne

Given that his most famous record is called Paranoid, it checks out that Ozzy Osbourne and Black Sabbath were fuelled almost entirely by cocaine. Probably the most effective anti-drug campaign that could ever be produced would be to show children footage of Ozzy Osbourne, high as a kite, biting off the head of a live bat.

David Bowie

Bowie found international success pretending to be Ziggy Stardust, a sort of androgynous space wizard sent to earth to become a rockstar. Amazingly, this was before he’d really gotten into drugs. But things went downhill because, before long, he was living in LA, surviving off cocaine and milk, and referring to himself as the Thin White Duke.

Elton John

In the mid-1970s Elton John got so massively into cocaine that he probably single-handedly made a significant contribution to Colombia’s GDP. Coincidentally, the quality of his music also fell off a cliff. Anyone who’s tried to sit through the entirety of his double album Blue Moves would be similarly driven to drug dependence to endure it.

Axl Rose

The Guns n’ Roses frontman is known for his shrill vocal style as much as for his troubling wardrobe choices. As someone with absolutely no connection to Scotland the decision to wear a kilt sparks several questions. However, thinking pairing it with a bandana and a leather waistcoat is a good idea could only be down to copious cocaine use.

Fleetwood Mac

This hard-partying band allegedly snorted so much cocaine in their time that if you laid it all out in one long line it would stretch seven miles. Probably not great for their health, and certainly bad for their relationships, but it did motivate them to spend enough fraught, angry hours in the studio to create Rumours, lauded as one of the best albums of all time.

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Students acting like usually they're rolling in it

STUDENTS living on less than £50 a month are complaining as if they are usually meant to be flush with cash, it has emerged.

After realising they have barely any money left to spend on booze and more booze once their accommodation has been paid for, undergraduates are reacting as if being perpetually broke is not the typical lifestyle of a university student.

English student James Bates said: “I don’t understand. Once my maintenance loan has covered my rent, bills and travel costs I’m left with next to nothing. Why didn’t anyone warn me this would happen?

“I’ll have to get a part time job which will be really easy to fit in around my eight hours of contact time per week. Although that’ll only leave me with most of my afternoons and evenings free to doss about drinking. It’s so unfair.”

Sociology student Lucy Parry said: “University is supposed to be the best years of your life, now that’s ruined because I’ll have to make and stick to a budget. Failing that I’ll just ask my parents to send over a few hundred quid which I’ll instantly blow on takeaways.

“Honestly I can’t wait until I graduate and this penny-pinching ordeal will be over. After all, a degree is a guaranteed ticket to a well-paid job, right?”

University chancellor Joesph Turner said: “Yeah, about that…”