David Tennant, and other men women still haven't gotten over

FROM TV heartthrobs to 90s pop stars, some men will always have a hold on your girlfriend’s heart. She’d leave you for these guys in a second:

David Tennant

For most women, Doctor Who was just something for nerds and children before the gorgeous Mr Tennant came along and made this load of nonsense about aliens and time travel appointment viewing. You get the feeling your mother-in-law would love him too, that f**king lovely Scottish Dalek-skinning bastard.

Robbie Williams

The naughtiest pop star of the late 90s, Robbie will forever be associated with the time in her life when she had everything ahead of her, and the idea of shagging a celebrity was still glamorous and, to her young, optimistic mind, a genuine possibility. No matter how old, saggy and strange he gets, Robbie will always be her Rock DJ.

Leonardo DiCaprio

Yeah, she’s heard all the jokes about how he’ll only date women who are barely old enough to go out for cocktails with him in Hollywood. But in her heart every woman thinks she could tame the Oscar-winner with a hearty home cooked spag bol and the kissing techniques she learned from Just Seventeen magazine as a teenager.

Paul Rudd

Twinkly-eyed Paul had your partner hooked from his first outing in the movie Clueless and continues to be the most charming and dateable guy in the world as far as she is concerned. It helps that he looks exactly the f**king same as he did then, and is now officially a superhero. You can’t even hate him, because you fancy him too.

George Clooney

The greatest panty-dropper of all time, Clooney is every bit as appealing as he was back in the day. Plus he doesn’t mind being married to a high-flying human rights lawyer, so your girlfriend is pretty sure he wouldn’t be intimidated by going out with a modestly successful office administrator from Nantwich.

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Six statements of corporate bullshit every company feels obliged to make

BUSINESSES love trotting out spurious bullshit on their websites. Which statements are embraced by all companies trying to convince us they aren’t evil?

We care about your privacy

A lovely, heartfelt sentiment that would make you feel reassured if it wasn’t immediately followed by an aggressively invasive cookies policy in which you sign away every scrap of your personal data along with your first born child.

Cancel your subscription whenever you like

How, exactly? By visiting the office in person and solving a fiendish riddle? Pulling a sword from a stone? Instead, you click on every possible link on the website before giving up and suffering the monthly subscription until the company goes bust or you die of old age. Whichever happens first.

‘We’re the market leader in…’

Hard to prove or disprove, and always followed by precisely zero data to support the statement. Plus every single company in the industry is claiming the same thing, which makes you increasingly suspicious that they’re all talking bollocks.

We are targeting net zero

What this actually means is that the staff are forced to print important work documents out at home because they work in a ‘paperless’ office, and the company hasn’t yet admitted that the CEO has a private plane.

We have a relaxed, informal culture

A company that says this means they have a relaxed, informal culture up to the point where an employee is ten minutes late because the bus broke down and their line manager suddenly wants to have a serious talk about their commitment to their role.

Our mission is to change the world

Usually accompanied by earnest statements about disrupting the industry and revolutionising the system, while ignoring the fact that they sell car parts in a warehouse off the Banbury bypass and it isn’t necessary for them to pretend to have aspirations beyond making a profit.