Diana twats the Queen with a corgi: how accurate is The Crown?

VIEWERS are questioning the veracity of Royal drama The Crown. These scenes may not be 100 per cent historically accurate:

Charles and Diana meet in a Wimpy

In the show Charles and Prince Andrew double-date Diana and Koo Stark in the Windsor branch of Wimpy. Andrew and Koo go to the toilets for a knee-trembler, forcing Charles to make awkward small talk about his ‘Bender in a Bun’. In reality, they met at a kestrel-shooting event.

Diana flips out and uses a corgi as a club

After overhearing the Queen talking about her on the downstairs extension, Diana follows her into Buckingham Palace car park. In the ensuing row Diana grabs a corgi by its hind legs and viciously beats the monarch to the ground with it. In reality, Diana was onstage at a Duran Duran concert on the night in question.

Mrs Thatcher chucks an unflushable turd out of a Balmoral window

In a socially awkward visit by the Thatchers to Balmoral, the panicked prime minister blocks the cludgie and has to remove the offending log with her bare hands before throwing it from a window. In reality, Balmoral is equipped with extra-powerful toilets to cope with the Royals’ habit of eating half a stag for lunch.

The Queen shags Michael Fagan

Buckingham Palace intruder Michael Fagan did indeed enter the Queen’s bedroom in 1982. But there is no official record of the pair having done mushrooms together, and in reality there was no passionate, lengthy sex scene.

Prince Philip organises Live Aid

Moved by the plight of starving Ethiopians, the Duke of Edinburgh calls Britain’s pop stars together for a global charity concert. However Philip did not perform a blistering keyboard solo with Ultravox and, in reality, Charles was not caught by his wife getting off with Sara out of Bananarama backstage.

Diana has a fling with Gerry Adams

After her divorce in 1996, a lonely Diana starts dating Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams. There is no record of this relationship and a scene where Prince Charles threatens to ‘knock the Fenian bastard’s block off’ at a Sandringham garden party is artistic licence.

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What psychological damage have you suffered from 1980s computer games?

NEW research suggests gaming can improve wellbeing. But today’s games aren’t the maddening frustration-fests of the 1980s. Find out how you’ve been mentally scarred:

Manic Miner

You played this obsessively because it was one of the few games that was actually good, with the result that an incessant tinny loop of Hall of the Mountain King is still playing somewhere in the back of your brain.

Psychological damage: Permanent 40-point reduction in IQ, visceral loathing of classical music.

Tir Na Nog

Adventure based on Celtic folklore with an impressive walking animation, which you watched for hours as you wandered through a featureless wilderness without ever having the faintest idea what you were meant to be doing.

Psychological damage: lifelong feelings of imposter syndrome.

Elite

Groundbreaking space combat, trade and narcotics smuggling game, which was mostly like watching that starfield screensaver until another spaceship appeared and the graphics would slow to a rage-inducing snail’s pace.

Psychological damage: anger issues, obsession with the high profit margins of drug smuggling resulting in a stay in a Bolivian prison later in life.

Pirate Adventure

Difficult text-only adventure that would baffle today’s younger gamers. Great fun if you loved laboriously typing in every minor action: ‘get sack’, ‘open sack’, ‘get torch’, ‘drop sack’, etc.

Psychological damage: becoming an anal retentive and/or working in IT.

Chuckie Egg

Collect the eggs in a vast, menacing chicken coop full of monstrous human-sized hens and a giant menacing duck. After completing all 40 levels, you had to carry on doing the same thing forever.

Psychological damage: ornithophobia, crushing sense of the futility of existence.

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