Doctor Foster shocks fans of original nursery rhyme

THE BBC’S adaptation of nursery rhyme Doctor Foster has shocked fans with its graphic sex scenes.

In the original rhyme on which the hit series is based, Doctor Foster is a man who steps in a deep puddle while travelling to Gloucester, prompting a change to his future travel plans.

56-year-old Mary Fisher said: “Doctor Foster is one of my favourite nursery rhymes so I was thrilled to see its cautionary tale of puddle avoidance being brought to the screen.

“You can imagine my surprise when I discovered doctor was now an angry woman who shags blokes with her bra on and tries to get off with teenage boys. Also there are a number of references to ‘fucking’ and a general gloomy tone.

“This is series two and we haven’t even seen a puddle yet, unless it was of bodily fluids.”

A BBC spokesman said: “Watch out for the autumn’s new drama series Humpty Dumpty, about an egg who meets a sexy married woman on a train and shags her in the disabled toilet, then everyone has lots of arguments.”

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Apple software update makes emails say 'Sent from my outdated iPhone'

ALL messages sent from your iPhone will say ‘Sent from my outdated previous generation iPhone’ unless sent from the iPhone X. 

The footer, which cannot be removed, will be appended to every message sent on all models including the newly released iPhone 8 and 8 Plus until the user authorises a manual upgrade to the iPhone X by buying it.

Older phones will also digitally filter photographs to be more what you would expect from late-adopters adding squalor, blemishes and filth.

An Apple spokesman said: “We have nothing to offer but the fear of shame.

“There is no reason to buy an iPhone X. It offers only marginal improvements on preceding models, except that it creepily recognises your face.

“Consequently our sole feature is to make the possession of older iPhones social death, so their users will exist in silence until they spend £1,000 on something without even any sockets at all.”

Nathan Muir of Exeter said: “I’m definitely getting one. Apple has my best interests at heart in all things, even if it seems to the casual onlooker like it’s just taking the piss.”