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Don't judge Pussy Riot until they've made first album, say critics

ROCK critics have urged the public to suspend judgment on Pussy Riot until they have proved themselves worthy of four or five star reviews.

So far the all-girl Russian punk band have released just the one single, which critics say is not enough to form a scientifically valid musical opinion.

Former NME journalist Wayne Hayes said, “Do Pussy Riot have any courage? Will they play it safe and go for a crowd-pleasing, down-the-line selection of Green Day-style punk anthems, or will they do something daring, such as take on a dubstep or even a neo-dubstep direction?

“Originality is the true challenge for a rock band. Contriving to get sent to jail for two years strikes me as a suspiciously convenient way of ducking that challenge.”

Tom Logan, the UK blogger who posts as ‘Spectacles Rage’ said: “I was disgusted when Pussy Riot gutlessly accepted the praise of hoary old relics like Paul McCartney and Madonna. Sid Vicious, Ian Curtis and Kurt Cobain died rather than suck up to Paul McCartney.

“Integrity is death and death is integrity. We understood that once upon a time – but I suppose that’s too much to ask of today’s cosseted generation of rockers.

“Also, I wouldn’t have hidden behind pathetic euphemisms – I’d have called myself C*nt Riot. And I wouldn’t have let myself get arrested the way they did – I’d have fought back. No concessions, no compromise.”

But Simon Cowell, praised Pussy Riot, adding: “The pretty one should think about going solo. Ditch the other two and stop hiding behind that balaclava.”

 

 

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Assange to be tempted from embassy with trail of secrets

POLICE are attempting to lure Julian Assange from the Ecuadorian embassy using a ‘trail of secrets’ which the Wikileaks founder should find irresistible.

The operation began at five o’clock this morning, as police outside the embassy played The Beatles’ Do You Want To Know a Secret at high volume. Within seconds Mr Assange appeared at a first floor window, nodding enthusiastically.

Police then used fishing rods to dangle dossiers outside the embassy’s front door.  The first, marked ‘Who Really Killed JFK’ was ignored, but a second, entitled ‘Doctor Who Spoilers’, proved more tempting.

A man, believed to be Mr Assange, shouted through the letterbox: “Just tell me something about the daleks.”

A policeman replied, ‘come out here and I’ll tell you’, but the door remained shut.

Shortly after eight o’clock the police sent in a graffiti artist to paint a stencilled mural of Mr Assange on the building opposite.  The man signed the wall ’Banksy’ before shouting: “Oh no, I forgot my balaclava.  If anyone comes out of that embassy they’ll discover my secret identity.”

But the Wikileaks tycoon dismissed the ploy before claiming that he was Banksy and had been for years.

Last week Assange attempted to sneak out of the embassy in a very big laundry basket but his plans were ruined when he published them on the Wikileaks website.

Meanwhile, an undercover officer dressed as Colonel Sanders will approach the embassy, promising to reveal KFC’s secret blend of herbs and spices to anyone with white hair.

 

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