Downton Abbey to get a wormhole

A HOLE in the space-time continuum is to allow the makers of Downton Abbey to introduce product placement.

Lord Robert Crawley will be seen accidentally blasting a rift in the fabric of the universe while on a particularly intense grouse shoot.

Contemporary products like Evian water, Jaffa Cakes, Toilet Duck and anything else producers can get a sponsorship deal for will fall through the hole.

Writer Roy Hobbs said: “Next week a pallet of Dairylea Lunchables falls out of the swirling vortex in the woods.

“They are served at a dinner and everyone agrees they are a most novel delight.”

He added: “I realise it’s an expensive show to make but I’m not looking forward to having Edna the maid run over by a Ford Ka.”

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People with trust funds think it’s normal

TRUST fund recipients think it is normal to have large amounts of free money.

Researchers found that people with access to trust funds believe nobody really needs to work.

Fund recipient Denys Finch-Hatton said: “Isn’t it the case that if anyone wants to buy a new car they go and butter up their father’s lawyer, who wearily hands over a cheque while warning them not to spend it all on cocaine again?

“No? No? Ok, mind blown.”

Trust fund owner Tom Booker said: “It’s not that different anyway. My life is just like most people’s except without having to do anything I don’t want to do.

“I am very industrious and run my own travel business, which involves me going snowboarding all the time.

“The main revenue stream is my monthly allowance. It’s going really well.”

Financial analyst Donna Sheridan said: “Trust fund people move in highly incestuous circles, so you can’t really blame them.

“It’s the nagging sense of self-loathing that makes them spunk it all on yoga retreats, boutique festivals and ‘getting into the music industry’.”