Dylan thinks Nobel Prize letter is gas bill

BOB Dylan has not opened his letter from the Nobel Prize committee because he believes it is a gas bill.

The letter offering Dylan the Nobel Prize for Literature arrived three days ago, and has since been left on the singer’s kitchen table with his bank statement, a reminder about his National Geographic subscription and a card from a local taxi firm.

Dylan said: “White envelope with window. Printed address headed ‘Mr B. Dylan’ with ‘Urgent’ stamped on front. Sod that.

“I’ve got an album of delta blues-style covers of child’s nursery rhymes to write, or something equally weird.

“The royalty cheques come in brown envelopes so I’ll just leave this here on the pile until it gets binned or somebody else deals with it.

“I’m Bob Dylan so I don’t give a fuck.”

A source close to the singer said: “He’d be gutted if he knew, because like all old men his main goal in life is to get a free gravy dinner with unlimited potatoes.”


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Worker’s ID badge photo shows them as a young and happy person with dreams

AN OFFICE worker’s ID badge photo shows them 20 years ago when they thought they’d only be there six months.

Sales administrator Susan Traherne’s lanyard has a picture on her as a young woman with thick lustrous hair, firm skin and bright happy eyes.

She said: “I remember when this photo was taken. It was a glorious summer day when the world seemed full of opportunity. I was having a lot of sex at the time.

“I remember thinking I’d be six months max at this boring job, before I’d saved enough to bugger off to Australia and marry a millionaire.

“Actually I did make it to Australia for a month, but sadly you don’t get that many millionaires in backpacking hostels.

“Since then I’ve processed a lot of invoices, drunk a lot of tea and spent many hours staring out of this window.”

She added: “There’s no hope for me now, but there might be for you.”