Even the shittest Euro-drama coming to British TV

UK TV channels have snapped up the rights to every European drama series of the last ten years, even Troll Police.

Broadcasters are hoping to repeat the success of shows like The Killing, Spiral and The Returned by recklessly buying anything made in a country with bad weather.

A BBC spokesman said: “We’ve picked up all 48 episodes of Politi Landskabet, a Danish drama about police who investigate the theft of agricultural equipment.

“Each episode is named after the missing piece of machinery, for example ‘Seed Drill’ or ‘Chain Harrow’.

“It’s Wallander meets Heartbeat meets a Haynes manual. However it’s in Danish, so you are bound to like it.”

Channel 4 has snapped up 1,413 series including Das Balloonen-Phantom or The Balloon Ghosts, in which a psychiatrist thinks he’s going mad when his dead family returns as spectral balloonists.

A spokesman said: “The jewel in our Euro-drama crown is Troll Police, which as the title suggests is about a detective who is a troll.

“He lives in a burial mound, solves crimes in return for sheep and has a complex relationship with his goblin girlfriend.

“Troll policeman’s achilles heel is his crippling fear of lightning.”

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Cricketers acting all tough

A CRICKETER has punched another cricketer right in the face.

Following an alleged fracas between Australia’s David Warner and England’s Joe Root, fans of the world’s least masculine pastime said they were shocked that professional players possessed that much testosterone.

Martin Bishop, from Stevenage, said: “This is all very nasty and rough. If they want to butt antlers they should go play rugby or football or golf.”

Roy Hobbs from Hatfield, added: “That’s horrendous. Was it before or after tea?”