Fat Les, and other musicians' side projects that were utter shite

WHAT better way to ruin your reputation as a musician than by launching a dreadful side project? Here are some of the worst.

Fat Les

At the height of Blur’s success in 1998, bassist Alex James took a break to form the band Fat Les with fellow Groucho Club wankers Keith Allen and Damien Hirst. Together they created the unofficial World Cup bellow-along ‘Vindaloo’, which was about as much fun as being pissed on by a drunk football fan, but somehow reached number 2 in the charts.

Velvet Revolver

Apparently a ‘supergroup’ made up of Guns N’ Roses minus Axl and some blokes from Stone Temple Pilots and Wasted Youth, but they may as well not have bothered. Velvet Revolver didn’t make anything nearly as good as their previous bands did, and largely seemed to be a way for Slash to keep publicly displaying his collection of top hats.

The Frog Chorus

When John Lennon dismissed ‘Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da’ as ‘more of Paul’s granny music shit’ he couldn’t have imagined how much worse things were going to get. Luckily for him – depending on how you look at it – he was spared hearing ‘We All Stand Together’, McCartney’s terminally twee song from Rupert and The Frog Song. It’s a song so sickeningly cloying it makes ‘Spies Like Us’ sound like Led Zeppelin.

Tin Machine

Why would a global superstar decide he wanted to be a nondescript part of a slightly rubbish band again? It would be like Adele joining Atomic Kitten. Maybe he was discombobulated after giving up the industrial quantities of cocaine he was used to taking but, whatever the reason, Tin Machine was the least loved of his reinventions, and for good reason.

The Cross

The biggest impression Queen’s Roger Taylor made on the public was when he appeared as a disturbingly attractive schoolgirl in the video for ‘I Want To Break Free’, which was wrong on many levels. So it’s no wonder that the band he fronted as singer and guitarist went virtually unnoticed. Probably for the best though, as the songs are shit.

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Daily Mail readers and other people who will obviously side with William

PRINCE William’s alleged assault against his little brother is the latest royal scandal to both rock and bore the nation. Here are the usual suspects who will blindly support the future king.

Daily Mail readers

Having been drip-fed a steady diet of anti-Harry and Meghan articles every day for years, Daily Mail readers will pounce on the alleged attack like rabid dogs. Their eyes will cloud over with red mist and froth will spew from their grinning maws as they read about the broken necklace and smashed dog bowl. This is their Christmas all over again.

Older brothers

Only older brothers can truly understand the frustration and rage that must have been pumping through Prince William’s hairless temples as he shoved Harry over. It was probably payback for some petty grievance from childhood. It wouldn’t be becoming once he becomes king though, so Wills did the right thing by duffing up Harry now.

Anyone who sat through both volumes of Harry & Meghan

The self-indulgent Netflix documentary has a runtime of nearly six hours, and it doesn’t have a single detail as salacious as the Notts Cott altercation. By contrast the headline ‘William attacked Harry’ takes seconds to scan and is way more exciting. If you’d listened to interviewees refer to Harry as ‘H’, you’d want to knock him down too.

Comment section users

Comment sections are home to the most vile and wretched human beings the internet has to offer, meaning they’re bound to leave misspelt replies backing Prince William. Civilised people on the other hand will merely read their deranged keyboard hammerings and let out a refined chuckle to themselves, before clicking over to xHamster to rub one out.

Kate Middleton

Kate’s not stupid. She knows which side her bread’s buttered. If occasional scandals involving her husband are what she has to endure in order to become Queen consort, then so be it. It’s a small price to pay. Plus she secretly likes it when William acts the hard man. It makes up for him looking a bit weird.