Fuck Nativity plays, we’re doing The Godfather, say five year-olds

THE number of primary schools ditching the traditional Christmas nativity in favour of key scenes from The Godfather is at an all-time high.

‘I’m going to make him an office he can’t refuse’

According to the National Confederation of Parent Teacher Associations, a majority of five year-olds would now prefer to recreate the meeting between the Heads of the Five Families instead of the birth of Jesus.

Dylan Stephenson, a year one pupil at St Bald’s in Northampton said: “I’m playing Sonny because Miss Hayes reckons I’m a bit of a hot-head. Bada-bing!

“In the play my friend Ben Holdsworth calls my little sister a ‘guinea brat’ so I come on and hit him over the head with a dustbin lid.”

Dylan added: “My friend Charlie is playing Sollozzo the Turk because he went to Cyrpus on his holidays and told us all about it. He gets shot in the face.

“And my friend Jack Barnes is going to be Luca Brasi because he’s a big fatty tum-tum.”

Church leaders have expressed disappointment at the secular nature of The Godfather, but said they took some consolation from a year-on-year increase in the number of primary schools performing scenes from The Exorcist.

Meanwhile, Jack Barnes admitted he was intrigued by the role of the Corleones’ faithful enforcer, adding: “I’m going to sleep with the fishies!”