Film censor ‘excluding monstrous perverts from mainstream society’

THE British Board of Film Classification was last night accused of driving unspeakable deviants to the fringes of UK society.

Malley just wants to be treated like someone who doesn't enjoy realistic scenes of genital mutilation

As the BBFC banned the nauseating sequel to hellish torture porn movie The Human Centipede, horrifically twisted perverts across Britain said they were being made to feel like strangers in their own country.

Stephen Malley, who likes to watch The Human Centipede while masturbating with some sandpaper, said: “The problem with censorship is that it’s really just an opinion.

“We are allowing a small group of people to dictate what is normal.

“The inevitable consequence is that people who use their hard earned money to watch films about a mad scientist setting fire to his penis while eating a big plate of microwaved human excrement are somehow seen as being a bit weird.”

Malley added: “I should be able to go to work and openly discuss the freaky new thing I do while watching I Spit on Your Grave without everyone desperately screaming at me to shut my face and then starting a petition to have me transferred to Stevenage.”

Tom Logan, professor of right and wrong at Reading University, said: “There will be some who say that banning The Human Centipede 2 is the thin end of the wedge and that before long we will be living in a dictatorship. But they are probably having a lot of problems in their personal life and are just looking for an argument.

“Then there will be those who say that while they would never watch films like The Human Centipede and find the idea of it disgusting, the principle of free speech is at stake. Meaning of course they have watched it, probably while wearing a romper suit that they urinate into.”