Saturday, 8th May 2021

Five horror films that are laughable now

THEY terrified you as a child, but rewatching them you’re more likely to piss yourself laughing. These chillers have failed the test of time: 

Night of the Living Dead (1968)

The 00s popularisation of fast zombies has made this movie look ludicrous in hindsight. Being pursued by some gently shuffling reanimated corpses, who could be evaded by maybe going up some stairs, is a far less scary prospect now than it was in the 1960s. It’s almost as if these zombies didn’t want your brains.

Jaws (1975) 

Admittedly, some people may still find this film scary, though only if they have a phobia of very large fake sharks made of rubber. Unless you have an allergy to latex, there’s very little you have to fear from this one. It’s safe to get back in the water.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)

Aliens invade earth and start to create duplicate pod versions of people whenever they fall asleep. Unfortunately watching a character’s eyes get a bit heavy before they drift off for a nap doesn’t really carry the high intensity drama and gore expected from modern horror.

Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) 

The outlandish special effects have ensured that Freddy Krueger’s debut has aged terribly. Seeing a small double bed turn into a blood geyser as it eats a high school kid is cringeingly ludicrous. The scariest thing about this film, in hindsight, is Mr Krueger’s insistence on matching a snappy fedora with a grungy striped jumper.

Nosferatu (1922)

While the sight of a spectacularly odd-looking bald man who lives in ostentatious surroundings acting creepily toward women may have scared people in the 1920s, we have Vladimir Putin for that now. Unfortunately after watching the Saw series, watching someone potter around an old castle wearing finger extensions is a pretty underwhelming and only reminds you to call your nan.