Five shit endings that still would have been better than the Game of Thrones finale

GAME of Thrones fans’ disappointment shows no sign of abating, so here are five terrible endings that are still better than what actually happened.

Tyrion starts a successful wine blog

If Tyrion getting to right his wrongs annoyed you, this ending is only slightly less grating as he gets the love and family he craves from simpering wine buffs who adore his recommendations for reasonably priced New World wines.

Arya Stark decides to retake her GCSEs

Instead of vaguely wandering off, Arya’s education story comes irritatingly full circle. In an ‘uplifting’ final scene we see her getting the grades she needs to pursue her dream of becoming a vet.

Samwell Tarley gets a kitchen extension approved

The Tarley family storyline gets the payoff it deserves as Samwell and Gilly live the perfect middle-class Westeros lifestyle and little Sam gets into an Ofsted-rated ‘excellent’ local school.

Jon Snow and Daenerys go into couples’ counselling

Jon and Dany get the shite but complex ending we all really wanted as Dany survives but is served a fate worse than a dagger in the ribs – 30 sessions of couples’ counselling.

Bran campaigns for disabled access in Westeros

Years of having to travel on an oaf’s back only to get a job he didn’t want? In this equally frustrating feel-good ending Bran is lauded for his tireless work installing ramps in King’s Landing, which used to be a nightmare for wheelchair users.

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Vote for whoever you like, it doesn't matter and nobody gives a toss, experts advise

EXPERTS have advised that if there was ever an election where voters could throw caution to the wind and go hogwild, this is the one.

The electorate has been told to indulge their worst instincts and vote for whatever ridiculous fantasy candidate they like because none of it will make a jot of difference.

Pollster Denys Finch Hatton said: “One, it’s the European elections and nobody gives a shit who their MEP is or knows what they do.

“Two, we’re probably leaving the EU within the year anyway so the whole thing’s completely pointless and serves no purpose other than kids getting a day off school.

“Finally it’s proportional representation, so if you want to briefly reward a career eco-warrior or frothing xenophobe with a 10-grand-a-month salary for as long as it lasts, now’s your chance.

“It’s an imaginary election held in a dream and the results will mean nothing more than whatever both sides want them to. Go apeshit.”

Voter Nikki Hollis said: “Yeah, I mean look at these choices – the Brexit Party, Change UK, the Conservatives, Corbyn’s Labour Party. It can’t be important if these tw*ts are allowed to take part.”

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