Couple’s date in diary for sex getting dangerously close

A BUSY couple who put a date in their diary to ensure they have sex are becoming increasingly panicked as it draws closer.

Francesca Johnson and Martin Bishop, who read an article about ‘scheduling intimacy’, are both secretly hoping something will terrible will happen that allows them to get out of it.

Johnson said: “I think I still fancy Martin but all the rigmarole of taking my clothes off and doing it feels a bit pointless when we could be watching an episode of Chernobyl.

“I suppose that’s why we decided to put a date in the diary. It seemed like a good idea at the time but now it’s looming over us like an appointment for a root canal filling.

“So I’m hoping that he’ll have an accident or something. Nothing too serious, just a broken leg that will need a plaster cast and make sex too awkward to bother with for several months.

“I think he’s hoping the same thing happens to me. He was standing suspiciously close behind me on the stairs this morning.”

Bishop said: “I’m worried I’ve forgotten how to do it. Should I lick her nose or is that weird? Hopefully she’ll sprain both her wrists in a minor car accident and I can stick with nice, safe internet porn.”