MISS a momentous cultural event that rocked the nation by not seeing the Brit Awards last night? Here are the astonishing events we’ll never forget:
A f**king annoying presenter
Mick Fleetwood and Sam Fox launched the modern Brits by being shit, but they were inept not irritating. Last night Mo Gilligan shouted like Mike Reid on Runaround before doing an impression of Liam Gallagher so painful it gave you the unfamiliar sensation of wanting to see actual Liam Gallagher.
Two unlikely performers do a shit duet
The dire pairings at the Brits are legendary: Olly Murs and Rizzle Kicks, Texas and Method Man, Rihanna and f**king Klaxons. Tonight offered the aural and visual misery of the world’s most basic bitch Ed Sheeran teaming up with metalcore group Bring Me The Horizon. Both emerged lessened.
Someone falls over
Madonna tripped over her massive cape at the 2015 Brit Awards, and it rocked. Last night Anne-Marie paid tribute and it was the best bit of her performance as well. Doing away with the songs entirely for tumbling slapstick could up viewing figures.
Some rock bloke sang a song that could be from any point over two decades
You know the drill. Nasal singing that’s tune-adjacent at best. Keeping his coat on indoors. Nondescript men with guitars in the background. Boring song. It could be any year since 1998 when Oasis went to shit.
Adele bellows a mid-tempo song about her feelings
Sitting in front of a glittery backdrop like the facade of a Northern nightclub circa 1986, Adele sang ‘I Drink Wine’, the 3,236th song she’s written about her sad, sad feelings. Most Britons are now more in touch with Adele’s feelings than their own. She also won everything, like she needs to.