Fond memories of the A-team ruined by watching it

A MAN has had his fond memories of The A-team ruined by actually watching a full episode.

Stephen Malley, 35, discovered his girlfriend Nikki Hollis, 28, had never seen the show and after telling her how much loved it, bought a DVD for them both to watch.

He said: “The title sequence was as gripping as ever and we both did an ironic head-bang to the bit where the guitar riff comes in. But when the show actually began, Nikki began asking all these questions.

“She kept saying things like ‘if they’re military trained, why do they miss when they try to shoot the bad guys?’ and ‘if they’re trying to escape from the government, why do they drive around in such a distinctive van?’.”

A scene where the A-Team spent hours building a contraption that could launch cabbages to fend off the enemy caused the most confusion.

Hollis added: “I just thought ‘They’re in America, why don’t they just walk to the nearest Walmart and buy a semi-automatic rifle?’.

“It’s really hard to sit through a show like this when you’ve seen all five seasons of The Wire. Not wanting to get on a plane isn’t enough of a trait to build an entire character around.”

To cheer himself up, Malley plans to watch Knightrider and Airwolf which he believes will both be exactly as thrilling as he remembers.

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Man using ‘We’re pregnant’ as excuse to be a lazy arse

AN EXPECTANT father is using it as an excuse to get out of doing anything he can not be bothered to do, friends have confirmed.

Tom Booker, aged 34, has so far employed ‘I would, but we’re pregnant’ to get out of helping his dad clean gutters, a team-building day at work, a Mogwai gig and shopping for a pram.

Partner Nikki Hollis said: “Tom’s saying ‘we’re pregnant’ in a very supportive, feminist way that can’t be challenged, which is why it’s the perfect excuse for being a selfish bastard.

“If he was spending his time painting the nursery it’d be fine, but he can’t because he’s ‘worried about the toxic paint fumes’ and ‘really needs to complete Super Mario Odyssey before the baby arrives’.

“He’s not the one who’s preparing to do the equivalent of shitting a pumpkin and apparently ‘we’re pregnant’ doesn’t stop him necking four bottles of BrewDog every night.

“Just wait until he’s knee deep in gore in that delivery room. Then we’ll see who’s pregnant.”