Game shows sexual perverts want to see rebooted after the success of Gladiators

GLADIATORS drew an audience of 6.4 million, most of whom just wanted to see muscular hotties in sparkly lycra grappling with each other. So what other reboots would appeal to deviants?

Treasure Hunt

Technically, Treasure Hunt was about two contestants in a studio solving clues using maps and communicating them to the ‘skyrunner’, first Anneka Rice and later Annabel Croft. However, all anyone watched it for was to see a woman with an excellent arse jogging across a field or clambering into a helicopter. Classic British perving loved by millions across the nation.

Blind Date

Obviously the contestants couldn’t see each other and picked a partner by asking inane questions, eg. ‘What flavour of crisp would you be?’ ‘I’d be spicy, Paul!’. Then they’d go away for a weekend. It sounds ideal for voyeurs, until they realised sex wasn’t going to take place because the bullshit questions had no bearing on whether they’d be attracted to each other. It was basically live Tinder hosted by Cilla Black, and could easily be rebooted with someone equally annoying like Amanda Holden.

Fun House

The gameshow element of Fun House was definitely entertaining for kids, but what attracted the older pervs were the twins, Melanie and Martina Grant, who acted as sidekicks to Pat Sharp and his frankly incredible mullet. There are undoubtedly plenty of oddballs who still dream about being ‘gunged’ by all three of them in a paddling pool, so the producers wouldn’t even have to bother recasting it. Apart from the mullet.

Man O Man

One for the mums, Man O Man saw a group of men being judged by a rabid audience of possibly drunk women, in categories such as chat-up lines, personality, special skills and so on. The most important round was ‘hunks in trunks’ where women got to blatantly objectify men before ditching them if they weren’t hot enough. Should be rebooted anyway as it’s basically Love Island but without all the boring conversation.


Bullseye was the ultimate gameshow for people who enjoy old school sexist banter and wish they had a speedboat to park on their drive in a landlocked suburb in Crawley. Keep the format exactly as it was, bring back Jim Bowen and market it as ‘anti-woke entertainment for the silent majority’. It didn’t have a gorgeous ‘dollybird’ to show off the prizes like other 80s quiz shows, but Rachel Riley would probably be happy to stand next to a microwave in a bikini. 

Robot Wars

Homemade ‘robots’ fighting each other with picks and circular saw blades may not give everyone an erection, but for a certain type of geeky wrong ’un watching machines with names like Killertron and Penetrator battling it out was the height of sexual tension. Elon Musk could present the reboot – he’d enjoy it and it would distract him from destroying society via social media and autonomous cars that run people over then incinerate the driver.

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Man who invited date over for dinner has to buy cutlery

A MAN who invited a woman to his place for dinner is grimly buying an entire set of cutlery to supplement the perfectly good knife, fork and spoon he already has. 

Tom Logan’s generous drunken offer to cook for Grace Wood-Morris soon foundered on the reality that he had only enough cutlery for one, forcing him to invest in enough for a whole family.

The 28-year-old said: “I knew I should have nicked the cultlery when I stayed in that AirBNB. But I was profligate and foolish.

“And why do they only sell them in sets? You’d think it would make sense to sell them individually given that for most meals you don’t even need all three, Pot Noodle for example.

“I considered doing a stir fry, because I’ve got a whole drawer full of complimentary chopsticks, but then I remembered that’s because I can’t eat with chopsticks. So I’ve had to bite the bullet and now I own four times more cutlery than any man needs.

“Together with the food and paying my flatmate £20 to clean the oven and another £20 to piss off out of it when she comes over, this is becoming quite the costly night. She’d better shag me.”

Wood-Morris said: “It was nice cutlery. But I had to sit on an office swivel chair.”