Friday, 4th December 2020

Gammon unsure whether he's outraged or aroused by same-sex couple on Strictly

A MAN who has learned that Strictly Come Dancing will feature two women dancing together is unsure whether to be appalled or turned on.

Roy Hobbs gets furiously angry with anything he considers to be pandering to woke liberals, but this time his rage is in conflict with stirrings in his crotch area.

Hobbs said: “It’s disgusting. The Marxist BBC is corrupting our children by forcing them to watch two women dancing together. It’s lesbian propaganda masquerading as bland light entertainment. 

“I’m so furious I’ve developed a strange tingling in my groin. Normally when I’m angry I go puce in the face and start having palpitations, but this is somehow different.

“I will definitely be watching every episode, but only so I can witness the ruination of our once-proud country first-hand. 

“Yes, I will have a cushion on my lap. But only because the cat needs somewhere comfortable to sit.”

Hobbs added: “My wife said it’ll probably be two men next. I’ll have to stop watching then in case it turns me gay and I start talking like Julian Clary.”