Getting wasted in tent declared highlight of Glastonbury

THE best thing at Glastonbury was getting smashed in your tent, it has emerged.

A poll of attendees found that two per cent named Kanye West as their personal highlight, with 11 per cent choosing Lionel Richie and 68 per cent opting for lying around fucked with their feet sticking out of the tent.

22-year-old Nikki Hollis said: “Florence and the Machine were really good, at least that’s what I heard from some people walking past. I was off my tits in my budget Millets tent.”

Student Emma Bradford said: “When you’re at Glastonbury it’s like some of the biggest names in music are in the same field, but it’s a really big field that takes ages to walk across.

“That’s why it’s best to stay sprawled on your sleeping bag getting hammered.”

Cobbler Stephen Malley said: “You could argue that if you’re just going to sit in a tent getting on it, you could erect one in your garden and save a few hundred quid.

“But tent-based carnage is so much better if you’re on a ley line with the distant drums of what could equally be the Chemical Brothers or Patti Smith vaguely audible in the background.”

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Dad has to admit some of those gays are in good shape

54-YEAR-OLD plumber Tom Booker has grudgingly complimented the physiques of Gay Pride participants.

The heterosexual father-of-three, who stumbled on television coverage of the event while channel-hopping for some football, was surprised by how big some of those men are.

He said: “I thought they were generally more on the slim side. But some of them are built like boxers.

“Big chests, and big legs too.”

Booker continued to watch footage of shirtless men on carnival floats gyrating to dance music, as his wife prepared the dinner.

“I don’t know what to make of it, all these men dancing with each other, wearing hats and little shorts.

“Look at that blonde one, he’s got thighs like sides of beef. Not at ounce of fat on him though.

“He probably does a mixture of swimming and weights because he’s not massive but he is toned, as I believe they call it.

“I wonder what his name is?”

On hearing his wife approaching, Booker immediately changed the channel and pretended to have been watching Top Gear for the entire time.