Girlfriend wants to go and see a play

A WOMAN struck terror into her boyfriend’s heart by suggesting they go to see a play, it has emerged.

25-year-old Emma Bradford proposed the visit to a small local theatre, which is staging a well-reviewed play about a socially alienated woman who lives on a boat.

However boyfriend Wayne Hayes said: “When she mentioned going to a play, my first response was ‘why’?

“I tried explaining to her that there was an unlimited supply of entertainment on the telly, but she just looked at me as if I was the stupid one.”

Bradford said: “It incorporates elements of mime, contemporary dance and puppetry, combining them with an honest and affecting story exploring the emotional effects of isolation. The Times described it as ‘moving yet innovative and surprisingly playful’.”

Hayes added: “Fuck that. I’d rather go to the dentist.

“However in a relationship you have to make compromises and share each other’s interests, so I’ve agreed to go if I can stay in the bar, exploring the emotional effects of beer.”

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Humanity hails first selfless act involving a penis

A PIONEERING penis transplant may be the first time the male organ has actually helped someone, it has been claimed.

Doctors hailed the donor who helped patient Thomas Manning, with many claiming this represents a new landmark of a penis being used for a good deed.

Historian Nikki Hollis said: “If you look back over the centuries of penis ownership, you’ll see that they have never really been a force for good in the world.

“The penis has arguably tended to cause more problems than it has solved, with the exception of an incident in 1894 when someone fell off a boat and grabbed onto one for survival.

“Hopefully this is a breakthrough not only for science but for penis helpfulness in general.”

Meanwhile, penis recipient Manning confirmed that he has already heard your wonderfully original joke.