Friday, 3rd July 2020

Government asked to save all theatre apart from Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals

THEATRE lovers would like the government to step in and save the performing arts sector apart from crap like Cats.

Audiences, actors and directors have asked Rishi Sunak to bail out the industry, but said he should shut down all the shit stuff forever while he has the opportunity.

Theatre critic Oliver O’Connor said: “British theatre is on the brink of ruin, so we’d like the government to step in and save the bits that don’t have a horrible song stuffed in every five minutes for no reason.

“You can get rid of singing cats, singing Jesus, singing ghosts and singing Argentine political leaders. Basically anything that sings that shouldn’t ever sing.

“We just want productions that we can describe as ‘fresh’ and ‘challenging’, like Shakespeare done in tracksuits or Harold Pinter performed in a mortuary.

“Because you’re not meant to actually enjoy the theatre. It’s just something you endure to make other people think you’re intelligent.”