THERE are a lot of useless people in the world of entertainment who’ve spun a career out of utter mediocrity. Like these:
Fred from First Dates
A man who has managed to stretch a ten year career out of having a sexy French accent, Fred has struck lucky taking people’s coats and offering generic pearls of wisdom like ‘There is only one happiness in this life. To love and be loved’. And also to make a fortune out of working in the service industry.
Ex-fruit and veg peddler Gregg Wallace is a staple of our screens, appearing on either Masterchef or Inside The Factory on what feels like 365 days of the year. Having a loud voice and a shiny bald head appears to be the beginning and the end of his talents, yet he’ll still be on TV, cockroach-like, after the rest of humanity is wiped out in the apocalypse.
If hanging onto coattails was an Olympic sport, Paddy would be Usain Bolt. Hitching his wagon to Peter Kay about 20 years ago has given Paddy the opportunity to host a never-ending cavalcade of bad quiz shows, bad game shows, bad entertainment shows and the worst ever iteration of Top Gear, with his entire schtick being based around the fact he’s from the north.
Who’d have thought dancing around with maracas could set you up for a 30 year career in entertainment? After making his start providing ‘vibes’ for the Happy Mondays, Bez has since gone on to star in Celebrity Big Brother, Celebrity Masterchef, Dancing On Ice and Gogglebox, despite being so incapable of comprehensible speech that he makes Shaun Ryder sound like Oscar Wilde.
The Kardashian family
Is being the offspring of OJ Simpson’s defense attorney a talent? Or making a sex tape? Or having injections in your bum to make it massive? Not really, but those are the things that have made the Kardashians the most rich and famous people in the world. No wonder your kids want to sack off school in favour of being influencers.