Hale and Pace to headline Glastonbury

THE Glastonbury festival has revealed Hale and Pace and the Crazy Frog will be next year’s headliners, moments after tickets sold out in record time.

Who cares if it rains?

As desperate fans paid out hundreds of pounds without knowing any of the acts, organiser Michael Eavis predicted a ‘celebration to rival the Olympics’.

He added “I can’t wait to see Hale and Pace, I hope they do ‘The Stonk’.”

Also appearing will be St Winifred’s School Choir, famous for their hit ‘There’s No One Quite Like Grandma’. Choir member Donna Sheridan said: “We probably won’t play that one. We’ve got some great songs on our new album that we can’t wait to sing.”

The Crazy Frog, said: “A ding ding ding ding d-ding ding ding ding ding d-ding ding ding ding d-ding d-ding d-ding ding ding ding ding ding.”

Eavis said that from next year all festival food will be provided by Ginsters, adding: “Glastonbury is renowned for its eclectic food offering and so the pasties will be available in both cheese and onion and meat.”

The festival is also relocating from Mr Eavis’s idyllic Somerset farm to an Asda car park on the edge of Taunton.

The festival will still be surrounded by a twelve foot security fence, but instead of deterring gatecrashers, it will be used to stop ticketholders escaping.

Tom Logan, who bought a ticket on Sunday, said:  “At least it’s not fucking Mumford and Sons.”