Harry photos ruined by old Spanish woman

TREASURED photographs of Prince Harry naked in Las Vegas have been ruined by an elderly Spanish woman.

Cecilia Gimenez, from Zaragoza, was hired to restore Ecce Harry, hailed by art historians as a key example of neo-smartphonism.

The images had become badly worn after being looked at on the internet, but instead of enhancing the detail around the Prince’s upper crotch, Mrs Gimenez gave him a buck-toothed clown’s mouth and covered his buttocks in thick, reddish-brown hair.

Art critic Julian Cook, said: “She’s obviously used his eyes from a different photo and while the clown’s mouth is a daring choice, she’s plastered it on to the side of his face and expected it to look normal.

“Also, I’m pretty sure the buttocks have been cut and pasted from a photo of an adolescent orang-utan.”

Eighty-one year-old Mrs Gimenez  said: “TMZ called on me to bring the photos back to life and strip away the top layer of recently added pixels to perhaps reveal a glimpse of the Prince’s concealed genitalia.

“But I thought it would be a shame not to celebrate his lovely smile and dancing eyes.”




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Bad advice more popular than ever

A BOOK advising married women to have affairs has sparked renewed interest in really bad advice.

Experts say Catherine Hakim’s The New Rules of Marriage, which claims that having affairs makes relationships stronger, shows a demand for self-help advice that is not merely trite but actively harmful.

Publisher Julian Cook said: “The market for bad advice is huge, as can be seen from the success of books like Eat Yourself Smart, She’s Crying Because She’s Happy and Live It Up, You Could Die Tomorrow.

“Our latest title, Kill Your Inner Fat Pig, applies Sun Tzu’s The Art of War to dieting by regarding all types of food as a dangerous enemy, and is currently doing very well in the teenage market.

“Basically people want quick fixes for complex problems, which bodes well for our forthcoming title Quick Fixes For Complex Problems

Self-help author Nathan Muir said: “My latest book advises single men to overcome the problem of meeting women by having sex with each other while one wears a wig and the other imagines they’re having sex with Megan Fox.

“Some would say this is delusional and self-defeating, but I say – how many people get to take Megan Fox up the starfish?”

Psychologist Eleanor Shaw said: “It’s human nature to seek out advice that justifies doing what you wanted to do anyway, as I explain in my own book Vodka Is Good For You, and its sequel, The Cirrhosis Myth

Book industry insiders predict that the Christmas bestseller will be Act Now, Think Later: The Liberating Power of Instinct, by American author Roy Hobbs, who is currently awaiting trial on 341 counts of murder and sexual assault.