RAP music has been exposed as nothing but clever puns, allusions and references like a Radio Four panel game.Ready to speak for one minute without hesitation, deviation or repetition
The truth about the genre, which has been masquerading as cool since the late 1970s, has been exposed by 62-year-old consultant surgeon Joseph Turner.
He said: “My son was listening to Pusha T, the abrasive self-styled ‘king of the coke flow’.
“I heard the line ‘Reagan era I ran contraband’, which very cleverly links the Iran-Contra scandal to rumours that the CIA supplied crack, and suddenly realised that it was five down in the Financial Times crossword on Monday.
“It turns out this Pusha T character is also Triptolemus, the man who sets the crosswords, and all that guns and drugs stuff is nothing but a cover.”
The rap community is glad to cease living a lie, with Ghostface Killah appearing on Countdown’s Dictionary Corner with Susie Dent, and Nicholas Parsons being replaced by Lil’ Wayne on the renamed Just A Motherfuckin’ Minute.
50 Cent said: “Down in the hood, bustas find out you into alliteration or assonance your ass is in the cold ground.
“One time I got caught on the corner with a Scrabble board. Six fools died that day.”