FILMS without merit can now be downloaded without fear of prosecution, it has been confirmed.
In a landmark legal decision, UK judge Deny Finch-Hatton ruled that films like She’s Not That Into You, Big Momma’s: Like Father Like Son and the recent semi-attempt at The A Team should be free on the basis that they already have no value.
He said: “The unpaid-for viewing of, let’s say, The Bounty Hunter, is at worst a ‘self-punishing crime’. That’s two hours of your life you could’ve spent lancing an infected abscess on a cow’s back while being repeatedly stung in the eye by a massive hornet.
“We can pursue the punishment of these individuals through the courts or we can say ‘it’s a romantic comedy with Brendan Fraser and a talking weasel, and if you want to proceed with watching it on those terms then really it’s your call’.”
He added: “This certainly also applies to anything with Kevin James in it. He’s the one who might be an overweight Vince Vaughn and whose name you didn’t actually know before reading this, but he’s in that new piece of shit about sassy animals in a zoo.”
Earlier this month, anti-piracy police in LA arrested the actor Brendan Fraser for illegally downloading the Brendan Fraser sassy animal film Furry Vengeance 2,435 times.
A police source said: “It appears he just wanted to create an illusion of demand for the film, if only among law enforcers, in a perverse attempt to make himself feel necessary.
“We couldn’t arrest him. We just hung our heads and backed out of the door.”