House burns down less than two miles from cinema showing Fifty Shades of Grey

A HOUSE has burnt down within a 20 minute walk from a cinema where people can watch Fifty Shades of Grey.

No-one was injured in the blaze, but the local fire brigade said the smoke may have been visible from the front entrance to the building where the sexy film is being shown.

A spokesman for Stevenage Fire Brigade, said: “There was no-one in the house at the time, so we don’t know if the fire was caused by the film.

“When the owners return they will be amazed to discover that the film is being shown within a couple miles of what used to be their house.”

The spokesman added: “The fire broke out at 3 am, so the film wasn’t being screened at the time. But it was being screened somewhere. Probably in America.

“It may have been caused by an electrical fault. Which means, of course, that electricity may have come from the same place as the electricity that goes to the cinema.”

A spokesman for Rye House (A) Power Station in Hoddesdon, said: “Yes, I suppose that means we’re the ‘Fifty Shades of Grey power station’. It’s a bit of a whirlwind at the moment.”


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Receipts for cash-in-hand work to be signed ‘Sweeney Todd’

TRADESMEN have said they are happy to give receipts for cash jobs provided they can use ridiculous fake names.

Gardener Roy Hobbs said: “Labour are absolutely right, cash-in-hand work should be documented and I always offer receipts signed either ‘Roland Rat’ or ‘Donny from New Kids on The Block’.

“Obviously I don’t put my own name, because then I would have to pay tax.

“I’m not an idiot.”

Householder Margaret Gerving said: “If I suspected that a large, intimidating tradesman had put a fake name like ‘Frankenstein’ on a receipt I would definitely challenge him.

“Actually on reflection, I would not do that.”