Tuesday, 11th May 2021

How to destroy your self-esteem by comparing yourself to celebrities

DO you secretly suspect that celebrities are better people than you? You are correct. Here’s how to destroy your self-esteem by comparing yourself to them.

Ignore their upbringing

Lots of famous people had rich parents with industry connections and went to fancy schools, so of course they were going to do alright. Just don’t think about celebrities who hit the big time thanks to hard work and talent or you’ll get more depressed.

Focus on their appearance

How come celebrities are smoking hot but you look like shit? Could it be because it’s part of their job so they have teams of people dedicated to making them look attractive for the cameras? Partly that, but they also have better genetics than you.

Obsess over their age

Waste your life by calculating how old successful actors and musicians must have been when they started doing their most iconic work, even though the answer’s always: very young. Then try to remember what you were doing when you were that age, even though the answer’s always: f**k all.

Assess your own life so far

Counting your life’s achievements on one hand is always a bad idea, even without factoring superstars into the equation. Sure, Harry Styles might be a famous singer, actor and pioneer of gender-fluid fashion, but you once found a fiver you’d forgotten about in an old pair of jeans back in 1998, so who’s the real winner?

Google their net worth

You’re only ever a few clicks away from looking up how much more valuable celebrities are than you in financial terms. Console yourself by pretending that if you somehow become a billionaire you’d do something more worthwhile with your cash, even though the truth is you would also waste it on cars and drugs.