'I can't believe Vader is Luke's father!': A Gen Zer watches classic films

MANY ubiquitous cultural references will have completely passed by the average Gen Z ignoramus. Here is one 19-year-old’s response to some popular films.

Saving Private Ryan (1998)

‘This is one of loads of films set in the Second World War Universe. Whoever owns the copyright to that must be raking it in. It was a bit confusing as it depicts the Boomer generation fighting people who are racist and homophobic, when we all know Boomers love being racist and homophobic. Oh, the guys fighting fascism were older than the Boomers? That explains a lot. Boomers have to ruin everything, don’t they?’

The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

‘This is part five of a whole bunch of films set in a galaxy where interplanetary space travel’s a thing, but nobody has phones or the internet. The earlier ones had better special effects and more fighting but this one wasn’t bad, although I dozed off during the boring swamp bit. I can’t believe Vader is Luke’s father! And why doesn’t Luke just go and work for Dad? Wish I was a nepo baby.’

Psycho (1960)

‘This one was made in the olden days before people had access to fresh fruit and gyms, so everyone was really grey. Even though it’s about this old lady who stabs people to death, which sounds exciting, it’s actually quite slow and boring. Turned off after an hour. The best bit was when the main character got murdered in the shower. I did not see that coming, however much you tell me it’s an iconic cultural moment that everyone knows about whether they’ve seen the film or not.’

The Godfather (1972)

‘This was about a family who’ll do anything to get their own way. Imagine the Kardashians if they were old white men. Couldn’t understand a word the main guy was saying, so it was probably the first and last time that actor got a job. Not sure why it’s called The Godfather, though. My godfather is Uncle Martin, and all he does is occasionally buy me CDs which I have no way of playing.’

Mrs Doubtfire (1993)

‘Wow, this one is really ahead of its time. Robin Williams plays a pan-gender elder who is prepared to go the extra mile to be with their children when an arch-capitalist villain played by Pierce Brosnan tries to take them away. Hard-hitting stuff, and it was made 30 years ago. Incredible.’

Lawrence of Arabia (1962)

‘No. Sorry. Far too long. Didn’t bother starting it. Come back to me when it’s been edited into 222 separate one-minute videos.’

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Man whose wife playfully squeezed his belly makes mistake of reciprocating

AFTER his increasingly wobbly waistline was genially pinched by his partner, a man has made the fatal error of doing the same back to her.

Joe Turner was enjoying some leftover Christmas cake with his wife Lauren when what was intended as affectionate banter went horribly wrong.

Turner said: “We were watching TV when Lauren turned to me, asked ‘Enjoying that cake?’ and gave my stomach a little squeeze. She was obviously telling me that she loved me dearly and didn’t care that I’d recently gained some weight.

“Keen to return this warm-hearted gesture, I said, ‘Yes, thanks, how about you?’ and pressed her tummy twice. I even made a couple of squishing noises to show I was being humorous.

“The instant it was out of my mouth, I realised I’d made a terrible mistake. Suddenly the cake was up the wall and she was in floods of tears and shouting something incoherent about three babies being more of an excuse than just being a lazy bastard.

“It took a long time to calm her down, alongside multiple assurances that she is more attractive than all of her friends, and vehemently agreeing that M&S have definitely changed the way they size their jeans in recent years.

“Thank f**k I didn’t pluck the obvious grey hair from her head too. I’d be divorced by now.”