Sunday, 16th May 2021

I could be the consummate grime artist if I wished, Rees-Mogg tells Stormzy

JACOB Rees-Mogg has asserted that if he were to become a grime MC his intelligence and natural authority would place him in pole position. 

The Leader of the House told interviewers that ‘it is just common sense’ that a man of his bearing could headline Glastonbury, go platinum and launch a fashion line, ‘all without selling out’.

He continued: “Rapping to syncopated breakbeats about the gritty squalor of urban life? All very much within my wheelhouse.

“What Stormzy fails to recognise is that as an Etonian and Trinity man I have the necessary grounding to turn my hand to any field. Grime would be no different.

“I conjecture I’d first drop a sick sixteen bars as a feature on a Fredo track, followed up by an AJ Tracey collaboration and then my first solo release. On my own label, naturellement. 

“Once the acetate had earned enough rewinds on the underground scene, it would go straight in at number one. After headlining the O2 I would then become the first grime artist to break the New World.

“Also, I would ‘date’ Maya Jama and record a diss track about Stormzy featuring her vocals. With the correct breeding, it’s child’s play.”