RECORDING crap for money? Sometimes your subconscious gives you away by announcing it’s bollocks in the lyrics, like these:
If You Tolerate This Your Children Will Be Next, Manic Street Preachers, 1998
Heedless of the warning, we continued to tolerate a band who should have split in 1992 and now our children are exposed to them in the mid-afternoon slot at festivals. Discusses the Spanish Civil War with all the academic rigour of a spaniel which got loose in Waterstones and chewed up history books.
Too Much, Spice Girls, 1997
By the second single off their second album, post-movie, we had all had too much of the Spice Girls. A mania as inexplicable as the hula hoop or Wellerman had run its course and this was nonsense yelled over a samba beat. Nevertheless it was number one at Christmas because Britain doesn’t know how to let novelty go.
So Bad, Paul McCartney, 1983
Well into his Pipes of Peace and Frog Song days, McCartney churned out this evidence that it was all over and he was a touring act at best. A ballad so mawkish it takes the biscuit, eats it and sicks it back up again with icing still pink. ‘Girl I love you so bad,’ sings the former Beatle, every note proving his point.
Where Did It All Go Wrong?, Oasis, 2000
Be Here Now is the succinct answer. Emerging from a haze of cocaine and Britpop the band blinked, looked around and realised they’d f**ked it. Instead of quitting they staggered on to make further albums on which Liam, unforgivably, was allowed to write songs.
Again and Again, Status Quo, 1978
The Quo built a career out of releasing the same song again and again. Is this single a cheeky wink from a band who can’t believe they’re getting away with it? Or are they repeatedly playing that tedious blues riff with a complete lack of self-awareness? Either way, they sold millions while laughing in the face of creativity and innovation.
Time Will Crawl, David Bowie
After a decade of shapeshifting genius, Bowie’s persona for the late 1980s was that of talentless pop hack. Released at Bowie’s creative low, the title perfectly captures the experience of listening to it. Four minutes and twenty seconds that seem to last forever.
