ANGELINA Jolie last night urged movie-goers to be inspired by the pacifist message of her new film Unrelenting Gun Death II: So Much Blood.
The UN peace ambassador stars in the sequel to the blockbuster smash Unrelenting Gun Death, which grossed $568 million world-wide and, according to the Internet Movie Database, is the most masturbated-to film of 2008.
The franchise follows the exploits of Rifle Exitwound, a sexy assassin who carries 28 guns, drives a car made of grenades and lives in a state-of-the art eco-house that is also a giant knife.
It was created by a team of 19 writers, one of whom is a bear.
Jolie said: “Rifle is a truly complex character who could have done anything with her life but chose to become an unstoppable killing machine.
“The truly important thing is that her enemies are always portrayed as the sort of people who deserve to be killed. And that’s why she has no choice but to abseil down a burning building, spraying bullets everywhere while her nipples get bigger and harder with every kill.
“But I suppose the truly amazing thing about films like Unrelenting Gun Death, More Massive Weapons and One Enormous Explosion After Another is that they show the downside of unprovoked aggression.Which is, invariably, getting your punk-ass face kicked clean off by a smooth-limbed ultra-bitch.”
She added: “You know, when I visit places like Darfur I meet so many people who just want to live in peace. It really is just a very small majority who urge me to sommersault off a helicopter and machine-gun their enemies in the face.”
Film fan Tom Logan said: “Obviously these films sexualise violence, which is a shame because I would much rather they focused all their energies on sexualising nipples.”
He added: “That said, I think the effects of violence in films is debatable. Except for the new Shrek, which made me set fire to a tramp.”