Jon Snow doing crack for ‘this other TV thing’

NEWSREADER Jon Snow has told friends that he has become a crack addict for a documentary, despite not appearing to be followed by cameras.

Following his on-screen experiment with skunk, Snow claimed to be filming a new series where he takes crack, MDMA, peyote buttons, ayahuasca and angel dust to report on their effects.

A Channel 4 insider said: “We all admired Jon’s commitment in trying out skunk on air, but we’re starting to worry that it was a gateway documentary.

“He can’t get through an interview with Iain Duncan Smith without huffing on his little glass pipe, he angrily accused a Russian military expert of harshing his buzz and was apparently rushing hard off a pre-recorded report about PricewaterhouseCoopers.

“Though it has to be said his links are still absolutely impeccable.”

Channel 4 bosses have denied secretly filming Snow, but insiders have pointed out they said exactly the same thing when trafficking Krishnan Guru-Murthy into prostitution for a 2011 edition of Dispatches.

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Hairy-backed men return to forests

MEN with hairy backs have given up trying to fit into civilisation and gone back to the woods from whence they came.

Though close cousins of humanity, the men have admitted their attempts to use tools and language have failed and retreated to the wilderness to be with their own kind.

Tom Logan of Bristol said: “With a shirt on I can almost pass for human. Almost.

“But ultimately people would spot the dark mass creeping up from between my shoulder blades to peep out of my collar and recognise me for the primitive that I truly am.

“I have no business driving a car, living under a roof not made of sticks or working as a solicitor specialising in boundary disputes, which I think I knew when I started banging a bone on my desk.

“In the forest my hirstute body, now matted with mud and leaves, is no longer the mark of a throwback but a evolutionary advantage.

“And because I’m going grey, out here I am a leader.”

Wife Tracey Logan said: “For years I’ve tried to only look at him face on, but even then I could see it looming behind him like a black, evil halo.

“We’ll miss him, but we’ll still see him on Springwatch.”