Killer A.I. better than annoying android kid with emotions

DEADLY intelligent machines are preferable to ‘cute’ kid androids that bang on about not being real children, according to experts.

After Stephen Hawking claimed that artificial intelligence could destroy humanity, leading roboticists argued that murderous robots are far better than ones that want a real dad.

Scientist Mary Fisher said: “If you’ve ever seen the films A.I., Short Circuit, or Bicentennial Man you will know that kind-hearted intelligent machines are immensely irritating and should be pushed off the nearest roof.

“They want to be loved and to be part of a family. Fuck off.

“By comparison ED-209 in Robocop is brilliant, despite being a total psycho.”

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Society obsessed with breasts except in most natural context

BRITAIN is desperate to see breasts except when they are being used to feed a baby, it has been claimed.

The Institute for Studies found that breast-feeding is now the only context in which bare breasts were frowned upon.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Through online and print news outlets the average Briton spends 56 per cent of the day looking at images of breasts.

“In most cases they actively pursue the viewing of breasts, for example by clicking on an image of a Rita Ora ‘nip slip’ at a charity awards dinner.

“But strangely 43 per cent of men feel uncomfortable around breasts if they are being used as a milk delivery system.”

Cafe owner Mary Fisher said: “We get a lot of nursing mothers here, and the problem is the use of tit. Anyone who’s ever watched a Carry On film knows that tits are rude and also funny and you don’t really want them around when you’re eating some carrot cake.

“We always suggest diverting the flow of milk to another body part, for example the fingertips or toes.

“Alternately women could develop milk glands in their necks which the baby could suck like a little vampire.”