Lampard to write 'Fluffy Bunny Buys a Bentley'

FRANK Lampard is to write a children’s book about a little fluffy bunny who buys a fully-specced Bentley Continental GT.

In the story the little bunny goes on a big adventure to a Park Lane Bentley dealership but gets frightened by the huge choice of leather and walnut interiors.

He hides under a chair until his friend, Fluffy Puppy, suggests that he buys three Bentleys, each with different coloured seats.

Lampard said: “It is a timeless story of a scared little bunny who just needs his friends to tell him that everything will be alright.

“The first time I went to buy cars in Park Lane I peed my pants.

“I was embarrassed at first, but then the nice salesmen told me it was ok and that everyone does it.

“It cheered me right up and then a really attractive woman brought me a glass of champagne. I soon realised that life was not so bad after all.”

He added: “Children’s stories do not need to sugar-coat everything. Kids need to understand that life can be difficult at times, but they can get through it if they are brave and have two hundred grand.”

At the end of the story Fluffy Bunny goes to Dubai for five days because he is a bit bored.

 

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UN says North Korea can be insane or nuclear

THE United Nations has told North Korea it can either be a nuclear power or completely out of its mind.

Secretary General Ban KI Moon said: “Being both does not really work for us. Pick one.

“Some of your insanity is horrible, but mostly we find it fascinating. Particularly your fat little dictator who has apparently played ping pong on the moon. And the stuff you can do with a stadium full of fanatics and some coloured cardboard is extraordinary.

“Then again, why not be like France? Democracy, nice restaurants, nuclear weapons and only slightly unhinged.”