Little Big Planet inspires charming crime spree

A DELIGHTFULLY cute crime spree was inspired by the Playstation game Little Big Planet, a court has heard.

Teenager Wayne Hayes, 15, caused mayhem after playing the platform game set in an adorable miniature universe for 37 hours without a break.

Prosecuting barrister Denys Finch Hatton said: “Hayes was first seen breaking into a builder’s yard with a woollen hat pulled over his face, where he fashioned a seven-metre skateboard from a sheet of chipboard and the wheels from a delivery van.

“He proceeded to ride the giant skateboard down a hill and onto a dual carriageway, whilst jumping excitedly in the air.

“With police in pursuit, Hayes entered a zoo, where he evaded capture by running up the neck of a giraffe, leaping into a tree full of monkeys and over a large crocodile, forcing officers to call off the chase for safety reasons.”

The court heard that Hayes was later seen attempting to attach wooden wheels to a horse in a farmer’s field.

When challenged he fled into the grounds of a nearby castle, where he managed to avoid security staff and a number of amusing ghosts before attempting to climb the battlements.

Finch Hatton said: “Hayes was repeatedly tasered by firearms officers, causing him to convulse in an endearing way before being taken to a secure psychiatric unit.”

Sentencing Hayes to 18 months in a young offenders’ institute, judge Julian Cook said: “I suggest that in future you choose less morally corrosive video games, such as Manhunt or Carmageddon

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My old pal Roy Keane isn't talking to me

Dear Holly,

For some reason, my old pal Roy Keane isn’t talking to me. I’ve left several voicemails but he’s clearly blanking me. The other day I’m sure I saw him giving me the victory sign in Asda, but I can’t be sure as I’d left my glasses at home. I can’t for the life of me think what his problem is.

Alex Ferguson


Dear Alex,

You need to be careful what you write about people, especially if it’s in a personal notebook with ‘Top secret diary’ written on it and you’ve accidentally dropped it in the playground. Because if this were to get into the wrong hands, you might find that the entire class is suddenly aware of your dreadful bum problems and is waiting with anticipation to hear the next instalment about your conflicting feelings when you watch films with Keira Knightley in.

Hope that helps!