Londoner gleefully pointing out inaccuracies in film's depiction of London

A MAN who has lived in London for three years spent the duration of a film smugly pointing out its geographical inaccuracies.

Oliver O’Connor, who was born in Cirencester, scoffed when a character hailed a cab in an unfeasible location and then laughed at her tragic death which allegedly took place in Regent’s Park but was clearly Clapham Common.

O’Connor said: “I could accept the plot being about escaping from an alien invasion, but even in those circumstances you couldn’t take the Northern Line from St Paul’s to Trafalgar Square. That’s bloody ridiculous.

“The headquarters of the secret mind-control organisation was supposed to be in Westminster even though it was clearly in Camden in a building that I know for a fact is actually a Pizza Express.

“And then, ludicrously, the chief necromancer flies his underwater hoverbike into the Thames at Greenwich and pops out again 10 seconds later to fight the giant extraterrestrial kraken by Vauxhall Bridge. How am I meant to believe that? It would take at least ten minutes to get there.”

O’Connor’s girlfriend Emma Bradford said: “His entire personality is living in London. I’m hoping he’ll break up with me if I ask him whether Stratford is near Leeds.”

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Pubs overrun with cultural appropriation

ENGLISH pubs are today awash with tacky hijackings of hallowed Irish culture, it has emerged.

Hostelries across the country are swarming with fake leprechaun beards and green, comically-oversized ‘Irish’ hats, even trendy London pubs which pretend to know better.

Barman Wayne Hayes said: “Decking out a pub in tricolours and four-leaf clovers to make a quick buck is quite offensive if you think about it for a second. Which is why I don’t.

“Putting on an unconvincing accent would be unacceptable if it was any other nationality. Christ, you’d have the cops round if it was Jamaica or China. Maybe the Irish are the exception which proves the rule in this strange, increasingly sensitive world?

“You’d get your teeth kicked out on Saint Andrew’s Day if you greeted Scottish people with a cheery ‘Hoots mon’. But anyone can say ‘Top o’ the morning to ya, begorrah’ while dressed head-to-toe in green and nobody gives a shit. It’s weird.”

Englishman Nathan Muir said: “We get to enjoy Irish culture without worrying about the context? Sounds like a good Friday agreement to me!”