A MAN asked on a cinema trip is seething at the very prospect of those he would have to sit near and what they would be loudly eating.
Nathan Muir was invited to a Saturday screening of The Creator by a friend who presumably enjoys trying to focus on a film while in a mosh pit of reeking pricks.
Muir said: “At the multiplex? With the sound of The Nun 2 bleeding through from next door? Alongside a load of nodding dogs chewing with their mouths open?
“Oh yeah, I’d love to come to sit behind some prick crunching f**king nachos, bathing in their cheese stink for hours. Next to a twat who gets his phone out every two minutes. In front of a couple who paid £9.99 each for a good long chat.
“There’s nothing like real moviegoing with six scrotes in the back row shouting knobhead catchphrases on a Saturday night, is there? And if you want to join the gnashing herds it’s a 40-minute queue and six f**king quid for a bag of Munchies.
“Would the film be enhanced by mouth-breathers? Snorters? Ice-rattling vermin who wouldn’t know a dialogue beat from a beating with a baseball bat? No thanks. I’ll watch it on demand.”
Friend Julian Cook said: “Yeah it was only so I wouldn’t have to talk to Nathan.”