Man at front of gig screaming for song that band definitely going to play anyway

A MAN has stood at the very front of a concert shouting for the band’s biggest song even though they’re fucking obviously going to play it at some point anyway.

Martin Bishop attended a Rolling Stones gig last night and despite many strange looks from those around him, proceeded to scream for Satisfaction from the very first chord.

Fellow concert-goer Emma Bradford said, “Does he think they’re just not going to play that song? Does he think they hate their fans or something like Simply Red must do?

“Of course they’re going to play fucking Satisfaction. And, if for some reason they’ve decided not to tonight, I don’t think Keith Richards will change his mind because some bloke is shouting and waving at him.”

Bishop said” “I just love Satisfaction and if I don’t scream for them to play it in-between every other song then they might forget to play it.

“They are in there 70s now and when my nan was in her 70s she forgot to do all kinds of things, so I feel like I’m kind of helping them out a bit here.”

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Melania to redecorate North Korea

MELANIA Trump is to put her interior design skills to good use by redecorating North Korea, it has been confirmed.

A White House spokesman said: “Anyone who happens to remember the White House Christmas decorations will know that Melania has a real eye for tasteful design. The brief that year was ‘sterile dystopian hellscape’ and she delivered flawlessly.

“Given that North Korea already has a fairly minimalist vibe, Melania’s going to go for something a little different.

“She’s already created mood boards full of pastels, which should really given the North Korean people a feast for the eyes even if they’re a bit short of actual food. If that doesn’t work, she’s also got some pretty awesome geodes.”

Melania Trump confirmed she is “very excited” that the job involves relocating to North Korea.