Man still knows where all the rooms are in Jet Set Willy

A 47-YEAR-OLD man can still tell you exactly how the whole of Jet Set Willy’s mansion was laid out, including short-cuts. 

Nathan Muir has amazed friends and fellow drinkers by asking them to name any room on the ZX Spectrum 48k classic and instantly telling them how to get there.

He said: “The Yacht? Down to the kitchens, out the back door, past the tool shed, across the beach, boom. Watch out for that one arrow.

“Watch Tower? Get to the roof, climb the rope on We Must Perform A Quirkafleeg. Go up from there, you’re at The Off Licence. From the highest point to the furthest east, one jump.

“It’s all still there, rotating around in my head, every room, every item, every inch of that marvellous multi-coloured blocky mansion. Even when I’ve forgotten my own name I reckon I’ll still know how to get that tricky item in The Orangery.

“Never completed it, obviously. I was just a boy.”

Muir was then immediately one-upped by friend Tom Logan, who claimed to remember the game’s entire colour codewheel.

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No need to wash your hands if it's only a piss, agrees Britain


BRITAIN has agreed that if it is just a piss then washing your hands is not a big deal.

The bourgeois affectation looks set to finally disappear, along with men holding doors open for ladies, putting napkins in little napkin rings and pretending to like other people’s children.

The news has been welcomed across the country.

Nikki Hollis, from Peterborough, said: “I’m an incredibly busy person and I have to manage my time carefully. Washing my hands after a piss seems very 20th Century.

“I’m glad we are all now on the same page and can move on to more important matters.”

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said: “You get infinitely more germs on your palm from simply getting on the bus, or shaking hands with a farmer.

“You should always wash your hands after meeting a farmer or anyone else who lives in the countryside.”