Man to forget horrors of real world with nine-hour Call of Duty session

A MAN is to escape from the relentless coverage of war in Ukraine with a nine-hour session on Call of Duty: Modern Warfare

Tom Logan, sickened by the senseless bloodshed on the news, admitted he cannot take any more harsh reality and needs to chill out with some harmless entertainment.

He said: “It’s horrible how powerless you feel in the face of something like this. So forgive me, but I’m dedicating today to escapism.

“The game’s a couple of years old now so it’s a little out of date, but the central campaign about Urzikistan rebels battling Russian invaders still holds up. It’s just fun.

“Though mainly I’m playing online, forming alliances with other players from across the world in a no-holds-barred battle for survival. I like the Hovec Sawmill map best. It’s this kind of generic Eastern European setting.

“You have some good chats with other players. There’s a new Modern Warfare out later this year, and we were speculating on what the story might be. Who knows where they will get their inspiration from?”

He added: “Someone was recommending one of these realistic story-type games, but I don’t play games to do stuff you could do in real life. I want to get away from all that into something completely imaginary.”

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Murder without consequence: how life was better in The Sims

LIFE an unpredictable nightmare at the moment? Here’s how it was superior when an entire simulated neighbourhood were your playthings:

You could design your own face

A typical session of The Sims began with several hours crafting the perfect avatar of yourself rather than actually playing the game, because being able to choose your own face is a pleasure that never gets old. And nobody killed your buzz by saying things like ‘Actually, your nose is way bigger than that’.

Home ownership was a piece of piss

It set a generation up for disappointment, but life peaked when you bought a two-bed house for 12,000 Simoleons. Insufficient funds for a mansion, using the cheat code ‘motherlode’ gave you the money instantly. If an attempt at making a toaster pastry burned the whole thing to a crisp and left the kitchen haunted by the ghost of your wife? You could just build another.

Have enemies? Destroy them

Four words: remove the pool ladder. They’ll be collected by the Grim Reaper in minutes, and you get to watch and enjoy their slow, miserable deaths. There’s no prison in The Sims, and therefore your pointless cruelty has no repercussions. Forget Buddhism, this is the path to true inner peace.

You could fast-forward through the workday

The Sims gave children unrealistic expectations for the nine-to-five. Pick the highest paid job, wait for the carpool, then watch the working day whizz past in about 45 seconds. Young people aren’t lazy, they’ve just grown up with an ‘accelerate time’ button and understandably find real life lacking without one.

Love is forcing two people to hang out

Want to begin a relationship? Simply force two Sims to spend time together, no matter how reluctant, and eventually they’ll become friends then lovers. Is this how it works in real life? F**k no. Is real life all the worse for it? Of course.

Whatever happened, you could reset and start over

Kids abducted by aliens? Accidentally built your house on a volcano? Toilet broken and your Sim falling asleep in a pool of piss? It wasn’t a problem in this delightful, consequence-free world. You could just log off without saving and everything was perfectly reset, ready to f**k up all over again.