Sunday, 16th May 2021

Man who did Glastonbury at home f**ks off and leaves mess for someone else to clean up

A MAN who did Glastonbury in his own garden has left his half-collapsed tent and all his rubbish for some other f**ker to sort out. 

Nathan Muir set up his own Glast-home-bury including a flatscreen TV in a pyramid tent, a bar and a chill-out area, and is now in his car speeding away from all of it.

He said: “F**king incredible weekend. Highlight of my year. Got in a right state though. No way can I face sorting all that out.

“I was sick behind the bar – not my fault, bad ‘shrooms – I got tangle in a bunch of lights and they didn’t work after that, and the tent is just a wreck. Didn’t cost much anyway. I think they give them refugees or something.

“Then after the Bowie set it got a bit cold so I started a fire, and the trellis went up and I think half of the fence next to that. Nobody minds. That’s the spirit of Glasto.

“It’s not like I was going to lug 72 empty beer cans to my car. Bollocks to that. And so what if I crapped in the pond? Better than the toilets.”

Muir then arrived back at his house and cursed ‘hippy bastards’ who ‘talk all that eco-shit but are just selfish twats’ before getting the bin-bags out.