Man who has listened to nothing but Iron Maiden for 40 years to give Taylor Swift a go

A 59-YEAR-OLD metal fan has decided that since there is such a fuss about it, he will give Taylor Swift’s new one a spin. 

Bus driver Tom Booker has been a metalhead all his life, but after four decades of lyrics based on Aleister Crowley books or the life of Alexander the Great was looking for a change of pace.

He said: “It’s been Maiden for me since Powerslave in ’84. The galloping bass runs of Steve Harris, the operatic wailings of Bruce Dickinson, and they always keep it proper heavy.

“But I heard some girls discussing this Swift on the bus and well, all that stuff about death, demons, and the cruelty of man toward man does get a bit samey. What are her albums about? Herself? Well, Maiden have never done a 14-minute metal epic about that.

“I’d always thought she was more of a singles artist which Maiden aren’t, unless you count their 1990 number one single Bring Your Daughter… to the Slaughter which I don’t because it was shit.

“But I’ll give this Swift one a go. Can’t do any harm.”

After listening, Booker said: “Did I enjoy it? No. Was it a change of pace after 40 years of basically the same song over and over again? Sure. Has it given me a new appreciation of Maiden? Yes.”

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We ask you: Who are you blowing at the Conservative Party conference next week?

THE Conservative conference begins tomorrow, and you need retrospective planning permission for an illegal caravan park. Who are you blowing to get this done? 

Sophie Rodriguez, industrialist: “Dilemma, isn’t it? I’d offer Kemi oral but there’s no way she’s into anything that involves pleasure.”

Julian Cook, lobbyist: “Eric Pickles out of habit, Gove for a gram, and Robert Jenrick as an investment in my future.”

Joseph Turner, member for Ludlow: “A man who tells me he’s Elon Musk and I believe him until I see him behind the counter at McTucky’s in the Village at 2am.”

Robert Jenrick, member for Newark: “I suppose it’s Lachlan Murdoch now, isn’t it? From father to son. The great traditions of this nation.”

Norman Steele, contractor: “You think I ask names?”